I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
