as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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