New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
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