4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
