Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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