Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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