There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
