Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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