This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
