Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
