My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
