Whod you bang
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Randomize
