New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
