Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Randomize
