are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
