final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
