So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
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we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
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All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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