There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
