Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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