I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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