Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
