why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
