The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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