I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
