We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
