she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
