i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
