I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
