so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
