hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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