Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
