you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
