If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
