We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
