There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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