I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
