I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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