Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
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Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
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Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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