she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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