I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
