Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
When are your genitals available?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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