I think my vagina is haunted
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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