Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
