It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
