So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
