We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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