hotel room ftw
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
