Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
