Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
