It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
