I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize