I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
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