i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
