NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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