A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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