I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
