Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
