im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
