everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
