Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
someone owes me an orgasm
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Randomize
