I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
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All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
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I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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