omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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