I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
This beer is not sobering me up at all
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
