Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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