Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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