Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
