i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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