I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize
