i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
