I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
