The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Randomize
