He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
