Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
i dont even know how to be here
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Randomize
