All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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