If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
