I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
