just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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