True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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